Facing Fear: a Writing Experiment

What if I woke up in the morning and found myself completely deaf? Fear sweeps over me as I feel my throat vibrating but hear no scream in my world. My mouth is open yet I can’t get anything out. I see the faucet running but can’t hear the familiar rush of water. Something brushes my leg making me jump ten feet in the air, screaming with the voice I’ll never hear again. Suddenly hot tears stream down my face as my will to live dissipates. I’ll never know what my future children’s voices sound like. Or bask in their gleeful laughter. I see my future fade away as I drop to the floor. My dog nudges my hand looking for morning cuddles. How will I communicate with her now? How will I know when she is trying to warn me of things? Training just hit the next level, I need her now.

A Note About The Author: When I was in the fourth grade we discovered that I have been hearing impaired my entire life. It has changed many things about the way I live my life. These fears are not totally fictional. I’m fully aware that I may hit a time in my life where I am fully deaf.

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Aside

Flashback: Poetry Compilation 2010

I pray you be not greedy

But enjoy every moment

As if the last you shall know

My heart you stole at first glance

Never again shall I be the same

My soul has not felt ‘til now

The true beauty of the world

Without you why shall I live?

My hands in yours, intertwined

Your chest, my eternal rest

Forever I lay in your eyes

Nevermore shall I need again

Our hearts bound ‘til the end

Your love I always hold near

Without, the sun doth not rise

Darkness settles in my bosom

-Untitled by Sam Francisco

 

 

I’m sick of all the bullshit

I’m sick of all the lies

Wake me when its over

I don’t wanna watch it die

Just skip to the end

Spare me the pain

I’d rather it just be done

There’s nothing left to gain

-Sick by Sam Francisco

 

 

Oh green tree, once you held my attention and inspired me.

What happened to that fascination?

Now you are dull and average green tree,

your curves and holes don’t leave me in awe struck.

Is it you green tree, or is it me?

Did your colors really fade or is it my mind that has dulled out?

I am no longer compelled to ascend upon your branches, weightless, above the world.

-Green Tree by Sam Francisco

 

I’m so scared, everyone’s life continues only mine left me somewhere in the dark.

I look in every corner but to no avail, its gone and the darkness is closing in.

I once was treading water but now I am sinking, drowning deeper and deeper –

the surface has disappeared completely.

The ground below looks sturdy and safe so I head towards it.

Finally within my reach, my foot sinks into the ground – forever stuck.

-Oceanography by Sam Francisco

 

What do you see when you look at me

Is it the same as the broken mirrors show

Seven years of bad luck, when will I be free

As the years build up my brow furrows

Life is more than who you are

The outside shows whats within

In my case, its not a pretty fare

Yes the toll is high, I cannot win

Oh how I wish the mirror lied

But I know that  fallacy is only within

In this thought something inside died

So away I stay, tucked neatly in a bin

-Mirrors by Sam Francisco

 

Twin Thing

((Short Story written by me, Sam, in 2011))

Before everything I was still a child, innocent and happy. We were both happy at one point splashing in the water, the wind blowing salt through our hair. But one day our world shattered as if it were a thin stained-glass globe at the wrong end of a rocket launching. Funny thing is, I can’t quite pin point when it was. It all happened so fast: the drugs, foster care, mom came back, more drugs, dad came back, the violence started, and my sister couldn’t handle it.

I just found my happy place, I tried to take her there but she couldn’t see it. She was always afraid they were coming back to get us. So we left, and every time we left we had to leave where we went because they were still coming. The problem was that they never stopped chasing us. Instead of enhancing our lives, we lived on the run.

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